Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
