they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
