so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize