i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize