I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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