It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
