just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
