If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
soo... how was my night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
