i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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