HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
