suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
