you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have aggressive nipples.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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