what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
