the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
