the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
