Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
there was a trapeze. enough said
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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