I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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