Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
