kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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