so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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