i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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