Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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