Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
