Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
