While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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