Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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