she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
