my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
