He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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