What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
