i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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