She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
