just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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