I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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