When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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