thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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