i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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