If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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