I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
