im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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