Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
