i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The beer is more important than you right now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
