i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
