i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
