Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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