If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
