do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
