apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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