Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
