Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
this hospital has no fireball
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
