I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
