Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We smell like vodka and hangover
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