I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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