My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
