Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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