I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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