Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
