I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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