you traded sex for a burrito?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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