If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
