I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
