Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize