I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
