in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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