I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize