I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
