someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
