It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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