I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
