me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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