Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
