i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize