imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
