I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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