haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
