Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
