Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
