I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
