I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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