Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
