i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i believe in u and ur pee
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
