My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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