My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize