i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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