when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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