He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
