Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
