highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
