His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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