Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize