There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
