i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
