My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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