he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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