i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
True strength comes from lack of pants
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
