Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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