No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
