Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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