So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
