Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
