Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
smell my finger.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dick very happy bro
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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