Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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