i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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