Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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