Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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