At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
